It's late Monday afternoon and, predictably, I haven't heard about my surgery. I am so aggravated and annoyed that I think I'll write about something else.
I went to the mall on Sunday afternoon with my Mom and 3.5. I had 2 unnerving cancer moments which, in retrospect, were probably more uncomfortable for the other person involved. First, I wheeled into a salon to buy some hairspray. I buy really fancy expensive hairspray because, as I've mentioned previously, I love my hair and it's worth it. So I pick up my bottle walk to the till and it hits me. Funny and sad and then the tears. Why am I buying expensive hairspray that is likely to sit on my shelf for a LONG time? The girl at the till asked me "are you ok?". Um no, I thought, I ALWAYS get this emotional over hairspray you tart! But I said through my weak tears, "ahhh, no, I'll be ok, it's just that I don't know if I even need this..." to which she said, "oh well I can put it back for you" and I said "no! I'll take it!". Sigh.
The next store I went in was Lululemon. I love "lulu", seriously, great stuff. So I see that they have these running hats that are kind of like skull caps and I think - hey, that might be great to work out in when my head is bald. So I ask one of the employees about the hat. I asked "is that wicking material and would it be good to absorb a lot of sweat, say when you are bald?". She says, "well are you looking for a man's hat, because that is a woman's hat". I said, "no, I'm looking for a woman's hat" and she asks (and I am not kidding), "oh, are you shaving your hair for cancer?" (all perky and bright like). Good grief, for real? I looked at her and almost laughed, I mean you would have to if you're me, right? I said "uh, no, actually I'm planning to just lose my hair". Double sigh!
Oh and the CT scan from Friday. What a delight. A phenomenal snowstorm hit the province mid-morning. We got to High River before it really got ugly, but we (Mom and I) had to drive home in some serious winter driving conditions. Luckily we made it through (slow and white-knuckled) and were home in a few hours. No news on the CT at all, more waiting I suppose.
Last, I worked out today on my own for the first time since the diagnosis. When I have an appointment with my trainer it's one thing, but I've been so tired (both physically and emotionally) I've struggled getting my behind on the cross-trainer. Anyway, I had a 35 minute "run" and watched Grey's Anatomy from a few weeks ago but I can't help thinking I can feel the mass on my chest. I am sure I shouldn't be able to feel it, but at the same time I really do feel it! I think my brain is working overtime.
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Waiting for normal things is difficult. This must be excruciating.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I am sending peace and comfort prayers your way. Try to remember, all of the professionals only want what's best for you. When they know, you will know too.